Taking Undercover to the Mall

One of my dialogue exercises suggests you go to the mall and ease drop on people's conversations, then write down what you remember.  Well, I found several problems with this suggestion.  1) the music at the mall is so loud and obnoxious that you can be standing next to someone and not hear people talk. So, I thought, the food court might be better, but alas, the music and noise is so loud there and the chatter so everywhere, that you cannot hear the person sitting right next to you, either.  This picture is of me trying on a dress as I record the two sentences I just heard when I first entered the mall.  I was afraid someone would notice me taking notes on my phone, so I thought... dressing room!  I bought that dress!

At this point, I am still trying to run to the dressing room to record my snip bits of dialogue I heard.  I was a little disappointed at how little I could overhear in a certain amount of time, but more I was disappointed in how "immature" the language of both adults and teenagers was.  For example: sixty year old white woman with a hickish country accent, drab looking clothes, over weight, and a curved back stated into her cell phone: "When I say she's bad, I mean  she's gone all to heck."  Or... as I was waiting in the Chick-fil-a line, a pimply overweight teenager with red curly hair was rating girls after they left the line, in front of the other customers... just like we didn't exist. "I rate that one a seven," he says about this adorable, petite girl who works at Claire's (I had already run into her at the store and had a conversation ). The other two do a moaning, like they disagree.  "What u don't think so?" They moan again.  "What u think I was being too nice?"  At this point, I am finally at the cash register, and the guy stops talking as if he realized finally that they rest of the restaurant could hear his conversation.  Of course, I had some witty comeback in my mind to berate him in front of the restaurant, "For a guy that I would rate a zero, you are not one to be rating women, especially your customers."  That comment flickered in my head, as did summoning the manager because I really enjoyed the conversation that I had with that Claire's girl, and I knew I was next to be rated.  However, I choose the nobler path... emulating Chaucer... Do you remember Chaucer from A Knight's Tale, "I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity."  Beware the person who scorns the writer!  I didn't buy those clothes in my hands, but I did try them on, along with a two hundred dollar sexy dress that made me look amazing while still having sleeves and going an inch above my knees, but too much money and no place to wear it!

The last dress I tried on and didn't buy- didn't like that black line across my breasts. After this, I decided that running to the dressing room was a waste of time.  I actually found the best way to hear a conversation in the mall was walking in the hallway.  Anyone who was unfortunate enough to walk behind me, I typed what they said just as they said it.  My best conversations went unwritten and were with two different shop employees, which I didn't write down because I was too interested in shopping in the store to focus on my main agenda...my writing exercise. 

So, was my undercover trip to the mall successful?  Four hours, 11 different types of people, and 135 words noted.  Better than nothing, I guess.   

The Real "Sisters of Sugar Land"

Enough about your boring query trouble, you say. What are the real “Sisters of Sugar Land” are up to?

Everything we did this summer together- except swimming and we did a lot of that- sewing, art, piano, writing, and cooking led up to the “Sisters of Sugar Land Summer Showcase.” You have to envision the sparkles when you say the title or it is no good. Go back and say it with the sparkles.

This showcase consisted of torturing my friends and my husband -gone to India or Norway and in no way gets to steal credit for this- with my children’s wondrous and countless talents.....who apparently take after M- O- M- M-Y. Madeline made cupcakes, played "Book of Mormon Stories" on the piano, showed off her sewn blanket, and read a book she wrote and illustrated. Hmmmm…..who does that sound like....Clap for Madeline! Gwendolynn made these incredible M&M cookies- which I ate too many of. She told everyone about the t-shirts we were wearing (yes, I wore a t-shirt and shorts-gasp). We hand painted them with a silk screen and embroidered designs around the paint. More than ten hours per t-shirt, especially since I made the kids do everything for their own shirt. Clap for Madeline! Jocelyn made a sherbet punch that did not taste good, but she loved it, because Mommy failed to get a recipe first….bad Mommy. She also had her t-shirt to show and wrote a note to Daddy for the audience as her talent- yes my four year-old can write! (again… who does that sound like?) Clap for Mo…I mean Clap for Jocelyn!

Today, the last Friday before all the kids head back to school, we went to Life Time Gym swimming. And while the other parents are sunbathing or talking to one another- or staring at me like I’m an idiot, the girls and I went on another pool adventure. We went in search of the lost turtle, on the water boat train, and to Power Island (which Gwendolynn made up- the island gives you powers- mine was to throw thunderbolts at the children.) And of course, what is a pool adventure without having a pretend cupcake and pizza tasting contest- they all should be waitresses because they really like taking my orders and throwing the food in my face when I tell them it doesn’t taste good and to add more sugar. Weirder than all that was the group of children (strangers) who asked to play with us on our adventures. They also liked taking orders from me- I’m like the female pied piper or something.

Good times. Sigh.